So, without further ado...
Samurai Jack: Please accept my apologies from the get go. Dear God. Hopefully he'll help you- and I mean God!
In the morning, could be 4am, you will be awakened by Samurai Jack biting papers in the bedroom. Anything he can find. Or he will get on you. Either way, he'll let you know he's hungry.
So you wander to our bathroom, and in the bottom of the drawer there is a little bowl - you fill that with dry kibbles and shut him in the bathroom. He'll let you know when he's done- you'll hear knock, knock, knock on the door. You'll stagger to the door, let him out and put the food back in the drawer and then kind of follow him to the hallway- see, if the boys leave their bathroom door open, he'll go in and poop on their rug - so you have to follow him and make sure that door is closed. Then he'll go downstairs to poop.
You can rest for a few hours until he needs to be fed again.
He will want to eat again in bit, and you'll give him more dry food. This can be done downstairs in the mudroom or the bathroom - he has to be alone - otherwise Jilly will eat his food and vomit everywhere. Are you having fun yet?
So, this dry food is done in a little glass bowl and the food is in the pantry. At dinner time he will get a can of wet food. You can just put it on top of any leftover kibbles in the little glass bowl. He'll eat it in the mudroom and then the dog will clean up what makes it to the floor. If there is any left in the bowl, we put a plate on it and leave it out (it gets better with age apparently). He'll eat it for a snack the next day! And of course, he'll be hungry by 4am anyway- but that's the upstairs food! Yeah!!
Mom says next time, send the kids to her house and board the animals...